Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize