The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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