Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
