First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
