Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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