look no pants
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize