real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
