I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
