Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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