I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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