I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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