Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
