are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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