I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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