Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
