i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
