so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
