Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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