we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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