Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
