I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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