Non-Jews are for practice
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
