I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize