I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
