I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
