I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
