I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Randomize
