I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
