I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
