wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
