i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
