I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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