soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
