im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
