i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
