Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He kissed a someone with a penis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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