in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
