Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
