At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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