I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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