I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
