my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Enjoy the penises
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
