Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
