there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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