Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
