RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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