doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
