Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
