u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
