Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
