sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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