Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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