I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize