I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
