In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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