nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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