So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
