I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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