New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
