I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
