I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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