I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
