I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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