I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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