She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
