I am puke
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
