Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You took a bar mat shot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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